InfoBarrel Author of the Week: RoseWrites (Interview by Vic Dillinger)

Vic Dillinger Presents: My Interview of RoseWrites

By

Vic Dillinger

(copyright 2015)

So, occasionally we meet up with people on the danged ol’ internet and, while most of them are wastes of protoplasm, there are many who stand out as sincere, entertaining, interesting, quirky, or tenacious.

Wulp, I’m here to tell youse that Rose Webster (not to be confused with that other Webster) is one woman with some seriously BIG, brass ovaries.

"Webster" (Emmanuel Lewis). © by CBS television, Fair Use application of promo image, cropping and other adulteration by Vic Dillinger

She's chosen to do battle with HubPages (one of the larger "content" sites, though what passes for content there can be laughable) after the sale of Squidoo and its content to HubPages. Her Squidoo material, as well as that of many other "squids", was involuntarily moved from the defunct Squidoo to HubPages. While trying to regain control over her moved articles she started a battle with HubPages.

In the meantime HP earns money from hers (and others’) material that they did not necessarily want moved to HP.  She continues to fight the good fight over hers (and others’) intellectual property rights re: the HubPages thing, having filed complaints with the IC3, Consumer Affairs, and the Federal Trade Commission (even though she’s a Canuck living in Ontario).

And beyond that, she’s quite the pinup gal for the interweb.

"Interweb Pin-Up Gal" . Images: Rose Webster (Facebook) ; Elvgren pinup, c. mid 1940s (fair use); composite, photomanipulation, lettering by Vic Dillinger (2015)

In keeping with her format of these IB peeps’ interviews I guess I’ll play along and say: “Without further ado here’s my interview with the lovely Rosalita.”  [She lets me call her “Rosalita”; we’re tight like that, yo!] 

David Copperfield Kind of Stuff

Over the past few years I’ve learned a few things about you.  For example, I know your cup size and the fact that you have produced at least one offspring (of the female humanoid variety). You have a relative who cannot handle gluten in foods; thus, you’ve written many things about gluten-free comestibles to help those with genuine gluten allergies (not those New Agey jackholes and hipsters who simply think “gluten free” is a hot trend, rendering their smugness even more intolerable). I also know you love the little woodland critters.

So take a moment and tell us more about yourself.

Q: Are you a true Canuck born and raised or are you a transplant?

A: Born and raised in Canada.

Q: You seem to be smarter than the average bear—what’s your educational background (and if you say “The School of Hard Knocks” I’m gonna deck ya!)

A: In high school, despite a troubled home life, I managed to remain on the honour roll (with an overall 87 percent average). From the age of 16 until I finished college, I also worked part-time as a server/bartender in restaurants. I studied piano and music theory since childhood. I also left my parents’ home as a teen and have been paying my own way in life since I was 16.

I applied to the orthotic/prosthetic program at George Brown College (Toronto, Canada) but was placed on a waiting list. I was, however, accepted into the nursing program at St. Clair College (in small-town Chatham). So, I studied nursing and achieved a 4.0 GPA which enabled me to snag a coupla government grants.

When I was finally accepted into the orthotic/prosthetic program, I qualified for some course exemptions and was able to tutor students through the college (which helped pay the rent). I also worked part-time in a restaurant. The cost of living in Toronto was triple what it was in Chatham.

After graduation (only 11 of us out of 25 graduated), I attempted to run my own business. But I looked “too young” and often people wanted to know if my father (or some technical guy) was helping me make these devices. [At the time, only 4% of graduates were female.]

A lack of job offers led me to pursue ophthalmology, and I studied and obtained JCAHPO certification. [Whatever the hell that is! =Vic] I had the pleasure of meeting and working for some world renowned ophthalmologists. After I had my daughter and lost my job I was offered about half my former salary for jobs that were in excess of 60 hours a week.

So, I decided to pursue writing so I could be with my daughter; I even breastfed my baby for a few years, actually. The money is not as good [Breastfeeding pays? =Vic], but everyone is healthier and happier.

Q: Name two things aboot Canada you love (other than their national health care system and their pretty money).

A: Overall, I find Canadians to be more accepting of people that are “different” or “challenged” [Jerry’s Kids? =Vic] in some way. And Canadians do seem to have a better sense of humour. We will carry on with a joke for as long as we can. [No doubt—Canada’s biggest joke is Justin Bieber and that’s gone on a REALLY long time!! You can stop now! =Vic]

"How Most People See Canada" by Rose Webster (aka RoseWrites) / All rights reserved

Q: Now gimme two things aboot Canada you hate (I personally don’t get their excessive, and seemingly morbid, love of donuts as a fast-food item).

A: We still have plenty of sexism, pay inequities, and adult bullying in Canada. And, I'm annoyed at the lack of involvement by onlookers. I find Americans (in general) to be more willing to fight for their rights. Guess I gave you three things. [Yeah, we’ll fight for OUR rights as individuals but if we see someone else’s getting trampled, like gay people who just now got the right to marry here, we’ll generally look the other way.=Vic]

As for the donut thing, I think the coffee shop tradition (or addiction) is more of a social one. In Ireland it's the pub; here it's the coffee shop. [Here, it’s the crack house! =Vic]

Writin’ & Cipherin’

That’s enough about you. Let’s talk about me now. [I'd love to Vic.] Just kidding.

Let’s talk about writing some, shall we?

Q:  How did you get into writing?

A: I didn’t actively pursue writing at all. In high school (and even grade school) my teachers praised my work. My fifth grade teacher even said she thought I would become a writer. In college, I won an award for English studies (which surprised me). It was mainly for an in-depth research paper; my prof told me it was good enough for publication. So, I submitted to a Physiotherapy journal. Oh, and the college award consisted of a certificate and a “wine and cheese party” with the English department staff—which I think was the main reason for the ceremony. [Wine, I know you love wine. You know I love cheese, at least the Gub’ment Cheese variety.=Vic]

The reason I might be okay at writing is this: I feel as if I am the most misunderstood person on the planet. And, I've always been in jobs where someone says to me: “Can you show so-and-so how to do that?”  Or I’ve had to explain things to morons, many morons. After awhile (to save my own sanity), I became good at writing succinct instructions.

But as serious as my occupations have been, I've always wanted to make people laugh. I enjoy one-on-one interactions with people (not crowds). For some reason, though, I'm always being pushed into leadership roles (even though I never pursue them).

Q: Are you as voracious a reader as you are prolific in your wordsmithing? If so, whatcha like to read (and if you say Fifty Shades of Grey I’m gonna deck ya!)

A: I read research studies the most. I get notices about CME (Continuing Medical Education) seminars all the time. But I also read a great deal about endangered species and the environment. My father was an environmental engineer and worked most of his life for the Ministry of Natural Resources, so that is probably where it stems from. He loved his job.

As for my love of animals, well, I owe them. The love of a pet has sustained me throughout some of the lowest points in my life. And I find wild animals incredibly resilient and inspiring. Not only are they crucial to our ecosystems, but they are critical for our survival.

For example, I just wrote a piece on Paw Mane Fin (one of the magazines the InfoBarrel owners put out) about the drastic decline in monarch butterfly populations. The thing is, these butterflies (along with other pollinators, like the honey bee) are the reason we have fruits, nuts, and vegetables to eat.

We are all interconnected—every living species. And I'm thoroughly convinced that humans have wrought the most havoc with our Earth (and with each other). It’s sad that we haven’t evolved more (socially and emotionally).

Q: Other than me (nyuk-nyuk!) who’s your favorite author (in the real world, not online) and why?

A: Gary Zukav, Eckhart Tolle, and (more recently) Osho (Shree Rajneesh). All three have helped me delve deeper and examine how I interact with the world (and others). They've shown me a way to deal with crushing challenges and helped to heal my soul. I live far more fearlessly (and fully) than I ever have before.

Q: Howdja get hooked on web writing?

A: Hmm, I don’t know how or when I became hooked, but I like the immediacy of having an online presence. [I kinda like that, too, a sense of being in the here-and-now daily. =Vic] It keeps me feeling connected to fascinating people (like you Vic) that I would never have met otherwise.

I've also had "beginner’s luck" since I’ve asked some fairly prestigious people to help me (e.g., world renowned psychology expert, Dr. Robert Hare;  Soraida Salwala; Arturo Vittori; and Scott Faulconbridge, among others) with my pieces—and for some reason they said “yes”. But also on that list is you, Vic.

Q: So considering you were on other sites (the late, and not-lamented Squidoo, for example), what made you meander your way over to InfoBarrel (tell the peeps—was it by accident or was it because of Introspective or mommy3—I don’t recall)?

A: It was DebW07 (Introspective) who recommended InfoBarrel. I trusted her and found her articles on Squidoo to be top-notch. After reading some pieces (including yours), I knew I had finally found a high-quality writing platform.

Kady on my lap | Boobs drawn on with Pixlr by RoseWrites

Up Close & Personal

Okay, back to your private life.

When you first became a brothel madam did you know it was the right career path for you? [Jest yankin’ yer lariat there, little darlin’!  =Vic]

A: Nah, I had no idea that writing would be one of my career paths. I actually tried to avoid any job that involved computers.

Vic cont'd: Seriously, you generally put yourself out there, and this site’s Free the Nipple piece you did is no exception to (literally) how often you expose yourself.

So, here’s some more stuff to get your gentle readers knowing you better.

Q: Other than roller-skating pole dancer what other kind of jobs have you had? Best job? Worst?

A: As mentioned, I worked in restaurants and tutored college students (anatomy and physiology) during my education. I worked in a sports medicine clinic, in a rehab facility, in refractive eye surgery clinics, and in four Ontario hospitals as an ophthalmic assistant/technician.

Worst job: I tried telemarketing as a teen and I lasted two days.

Best job? What I do now.

Q: What accomplishment are you most proud of?

A: When I was in college, I decided to take a fun (and cheap) bus trip to Florida for spring break. Partway through the trip, the weather became treacherous. We were travelling along US Interstate 75 South and in the midst of The Storm of the Century.

I was one of the oldest “kids” on the bus and a non-drinker (since I was studying for exams during transit).  When a state of emergency was called, we were stuck in traffic beside the Cumberland Mountains. It was a narrow stretch, and we only moved about a mile in eight hours.

There were kids on the bus that were becoming dehydrated (from drinking booze) and those who were crying quietly when reports of a possible avalanche were issued. I prayed if that happened, my skull would be instantly crushed so I wouldn’t suffer in pain for long.

Finally, I overheard the bus driver tell the tour guide there was a rest station “a mile ahead” (that had vending machines). Since traffic was barely moving, we stretched our legs outside every few hours. At this point, I emptied my backpack and headed towards that rest station with all the quarters I could muster.

It took me an hour to get there: the snow was thigh-deep. I plunked in quarters and soon discovered that most of the pop was gone except for grape soda. When I ran out of quarters, I pounded on the machine with all my strength. And—boom!—fourteen more cans were dispensed.

I felt as if I’d won the jackpot.

I brought some 20-odd cans back on the bus and distributed them. I told everyone that we need to keep our fluids (not alcohol) up. Later, the kids thanked me. One even said, "You were the only one who really cared about us."

"Soda Saves!" . Base image: promo shot from the movie Nanook of the North (1922) [public domain]; free use clip art; composite, lettering by Vic Dillinger (2015)

This is something I am proud of.

Once we arrived in Florida, one of the kids had to be hospitalized for dehydration and promptly flown back to Toronto, though. [Wuss can’t hold his liquor. What’s a little dehydration in the subtropical climate of Florida?  Sheesh!  =Vic]

Q: Besides cyber-stalking me do you have any other hobbies?

Red-ruffed Lemur by Mathias Appel / Public Domain

A: I like to experiment with pretty much everything. [Hmmm . . . any BDSM? =Vic] Actually, I enjoy mutual pleasure far more, Vic. And you?

I get bored easily so I end up creating new recipes, drawings, songs, and crafty things like woodworking and sculpting.  

Lately, I've been designing products on Zazzle. I also enjoy solving things. 

[Have ya figured out that danged “meaning of life” crud yet?  I’d sure like ta know the answer to that one! =Vic] 

Well, here's my take on anything like that: be free to live your own life because people who claim to know what is "best for you" rarely do (including family).

But my favorite thing to do is collaborate with like-minded individuals (which is rare, but magical). [I didn’t know a ménage a trois was considered “collaboration”. =Vic] Hmm, it's not all it's cracked up to be Vic (so I hear).

Am I cyber-stalking you Vic? If so, I will stop, darling. [Stalk away, doll face—I love it!!=Vic]

Q: Earlier in your response about how you started writing you said you may be one of the most misunderstood people in the world. I have noted that some people tend to think of you as a “goody-two-shoes”, based upon your chosen subject matter (almost, but not all, very “SFW” and “family friendly”) and how you conduct yourself online. [As you know I’m about as subtle as a 9-lb. hammer.  =Vic]

But, considering my considerable experience with wimmen I know there’s a bad girl in there somewhere. Within discretionary boundaries tell us about one of your baddest “bad girl” moments (of what I’m sure are many).

A: Hmm, those discretionary boundaries really limit me Vic. I had a fling with a member of a famous rock band (but I don’t kiss and tell). [Was it one of the guys from The Kings? I love The Kings, best thing Canada ever gave us after William Shatner. Oh, and back bacon.=Vic] Nah, it wasn't one of the guys from The Kings. 

And the hilarious thing is I didn't know who he was (at first).

Inside Limo by odonovan CC-by-2.0

All I can say is the episode (which I'm sure he's long forgotten) involved a limo ride [sounds like Zero from The Kings=Vic], an upscale location, and the most luxurious bath robes (I should’ve stolen one).

[Devil woman! =Vic]

Oh yeah, you could say that Vic. I have dated a couple of men at the same time (to the dismay of my friends). I wasn't intending on marrying either of them, so I didn't understand what the big deal was. 

I told my friends, "men do this all the time." But still, they dissed me.

"Man-Servant at Work". Promo shot from the movie, My Man Godfrey (1936); [fair use; composite, lettering by Vic Dillinger, 2015]

You have mentioned having a “man servant” on more than one occasion (around 112 times or so, I think). So as to not embarrass him and to ensure that his privacy as a roller-skating pole dancer named “Ruff Ryder” (I know you helped him get his start) doesn’t get violated I’d prefer not to use his real name. We’ll call him “Biff”, okay? I, and the readers, wanna know all about him, so dish, toots!

Q: Howdja meet Biff? Was it when you were both roller-skating and pole dancing on a co-ed bill at Vancouver’s “Meat Manse”?

A: Met him while I was trying to launch my own business. He was extremely polite and highly responsive to questions about computers (his field). We met for lunches to discuss my setup. I didn't realize he had a “thing” for me [who wouldn’t???=Vic], he was so polite and always maintained eye contact. It was me (after a month of dating) that had to finally put his hands on me (when we were alone).

Q: What does Biff do for a living?

A: He's a computer geek.

Q: Is he taller than me?

A:  Don’t know. He’s 5 foot 10 inches. How tall are you Vic? [5’11”; I never lie and claim I’m six feet tall. =Vic]. Ah but that measurement doesn’t matter, does it? I'm about 5 foot 7 and most men are taller than me.

Q: Screamer? (Him, not you!)

A: Yes. And it’s so bad that I have to remind him to keep quiet so he won’t wake our daughter. I think the whole neighbourhood knows when we do it. [Stuff a sock in his piehole. =Vic]

Q: Okay, now you—screamer?

A: No way. I silently enjoy the act (might moan or sigh, though). I used to talk dirty but sometimes it became funny, so I stopped doing that. Got to keep the action going, you know.

Q: Back to Biff. When you’re not clawing his back and writhing around like a cat on a hot tin roof, I know you write sometimes. What does he think about your writing in general, and how does he feel about your flaunting your love for me in his face? [Tee-hee!]

Images: Rose Webster (Facebook) and Cartoon of Vic Dillinger (previously granted permission to use)

No, the real question after the writing thing concerns your war with HP—is he down with that, yo? [I’m frankly shocked that no one over at HP has thought to file a libel suit just to shut you down for a bit . . . your pieces about them are both funny and vicious.]

A: He thinks you are hilarious, Vic. And I don't think he has a jealous bone in his body. [Neither do I. That’s a very healthy attitude. Good for you, Biff! =Vic] I could flirt right in front of him and I doubt he’d even notice. He knows where I am, and he and I trust each other. If I were to arrange an overnight date with a man, though, I'm sure that would bother him. [I’d deck ya! =Vic]

As for my fight with HubPages, he supports my efforts. Frankly, he’s shocked that they haven’t tried to claim it was a glitch or mistake of some kind.

Hmm, libel, eh? Well, satire is completely legal in the US and Canada. There is nothing fabricated in my 30 plus articles about HubPages. Everything is based on fact. It’s just that, collectively, Paul Edmondson (and others) “look bad” once all the pieces are put together.

Sure I offer my opinion, but I have based all of those on clearly referenced facts.

My work has been combed extensively by HubPages’ execs and shills for anything they can pin on me. My Google Analytics reveals an unmistakable pattern. I dare anyone to find something that is truly libelous. [While all of that is true it still wouldn’t stop them from bringing a frivolous suit anyway if they wanted. Ultimately, it would be tossed but in the meantime you’d be jammed up and out-of-pocket. That’s what Scientologists do to their naysayers. = Vic]

But, Vic, in one part of this interview you mentioned I have a “goody-two-shoes” image and yet you found my HubPages articles to be “both funny and vicious”. [I actually said others perceive you as goody-two-shoes, not me, I know better. =Vic] Seems there are two camps out there. And oddly enough, this has been the case much of my life: people either like me or hate me. [For the record, I adore you! =Vic]

"Dillinger in Love". Edited image from the graphic novel, The Black Orchid, Vic Dillinger, 2013.

What I feel makes me tick: I value the truth more than money. Money does strange things to people (even highly educated people).

Teachers often wrote I was “very conscientious” in report cards; employers have described me as having “a lot of integrity”. But I don’t get that. I see myself as insanely curious and I want to know the truth and how things work (more than anything).

A part of me (naïvely) assumes everyone else is like me. So, when I discover (and point out) a new fact or finding, I feel enriched. But I notice that many people don’t really want to know the whole truth. There is something too painful about being wrong, having to re-examine our assumptions, or to simply apologize for it (if need be).

I'm not suggesting I'm “right” all or most of the time [I am.=Vic] it’s just that I'm usually the first person to say, “Oh, I was wrong there, my bad. I just found out . . .”

We humans want to be viewed as perfect and it is foolish because it can never be achieved.

“And We’re Back . . .”

Time to get serious again. One of the very positive things you’ve done with your interviews of IB’s contributors, whether it’s a newb or a vet, is to ask them what their three favorite articles are that they have composed. I have been fascinated by their responses (and many of the things noted I’ve read).

So, keeping with your format:

Q: What are your three (or seven) favorite articles on IB that you’ve written?

A: My favourite humorous piece (of late) is Do Celebrity Endorsements Work? Five Brilliant Must-See Videos. [It also contains some excellent marketing advice.]

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished – Is This True? [My first article on InfoBarrel and one that delves into team dynamics, why some teams fail, and adult bullying.]

Calling On Scientists and Doctors: Fukushima and What Doesn’t Add Up [After I extensively researched this disaster, including a piece I wrote on Environment911, I felt compelled to write this wake-up call.]

Q: Yer kinda all over the interweb—other than IB where else can we find your stuff (and don’t mention HubPages or I’ll deck ya cuz that one doesn’t count)?

A: Other than as RoseWrites on InfoBarrel, my work can be found at:

Google + Rose Webster

Sousababy Zazzle Store

Facebook (Rose Webster)

Netboard (RoseWrites)

Pinterest as R_Webster

LinkedIn (Rose Webster)

Paw Mane Fin (Rose Webster)

Environment911 (Rose Webster)

And of course, here on A Blog for the Underdog.

I don’t Tweet (too much noise).

Q: One last question—where’d the name “sousababy” come from? You gotta thing about marching band music?

A: Oh that's Biff's fault. Well, okaay, it's my fault for asking him to set up my profile on Squidoo. One day, I mentioned I liked "onesies." Biff asked me, "What's a onesie?" So, I went online and typed in something sloppy like "so . me . . onesies" (I meant to write "show me onesies") and Sousa Baby onesies on Cafe Press came up.

When Biff set up my profile on Squidoo, he assured me I could "always change it later." But I couldn't. After I had written a hundred articles, I read somewhere that I could have changed it (once). By then, though, it was too late.

Truth is, I think "sousababy" sounds like chick that is a total ding dong. When I joined InfoBarrel, I was relieved to finally get a more respectable-sounding pen name. Even though I'm not completely "respectable" (wink).

In Closing 

This was a joy to do.

And just so everyone knows Rose did not approach me for this. It was my idea predicated upon someone’s mentioning somewhere else that he/she would like to know more about our resident sex kitten.

I hope she sticks with us for awhile—in the immortal words of Hannibal Lecter (in reference to not killing Agent Starling), “The world is a more interesting place with you in it.”

Hope you mugs enjoyed my interview. Take care.

=Vic

Paul Edmondson: "It's in Section 6 of the TOS" (but he forgot something)

Today I checked out an amusing HubPages forum thread started by Robin Edmondson. Here's the gist:

HubPages has finally found a way to edit any content on their site (whether or not they have authors' consent).

But it is so much more than that, I'll explain:

Pie Chart illustration by RoseWrites created May 17th, 2015. Based on statistics provided by Marina Lazarevi (3% opt-out rate), Paul Edmondson (edited 20% of traffic), and the low percentage of flagged content being taken off the site (success rates are  0 - 48 percent).

As noted in my explanation of the HubPages business model, there is a huge chunk of content on the site that:

1) Authors have no idea is there, like these folks.

2) Authors do not receive any compensation for (no AdShare, Amazon or eBay revenue) because of these four clauses (deemed "Inactivity") in the HubPages Terms of Use:

a) If there has been no change to your "earned balance" for over six (6) months. [So, if you have $500 sitting in your account for 6 months plus one day, HubPages can keep it. I guess they don't roll it over.]

b) Your account has expired tax information that is greater that six (6) months beyond the date of expiration. [Extremely odd, since HubPages has no reason to collect SSNs].

c) You have uncollected payments or unaccepted payments by the payment company into your account for a period greater than six (6) months. [Again, if you try to collect your money after 6 months, it is NOT rolled over. HubPages keeps it.]

d) You have not responded to attempts to contact you at the primary email address for six (6) months from the date of first attempt to contact you (for which no response has been received).

But what if Paul Edmondson refuses to acknowledge MY attempts to contact him?

3) HubPages has (at best) skewed their data about reader satisfaction. As I detailed in a previous post, a score between 50 and 80 is "good" (not 24 to 29). More importantly, a TQM Journal study by Kai Christensen and Jacob Eskildsen concluded:

"The Net Promoter Score is a very poor predictor of both customer loyalty and customer satisfaction."

4) As janderson99 pointed out, "Will HP provide compensation if traffic falls?" [I'm sure the answer is "no."]

And it's telling that Paul Edmondson replies to janderson99 with this line:

"Our goal is to treat Hubbers with respect . . ." HA. I guess respect doesn't come naturally for Paul Edmondson and his team – so they've made it a goal now (something they'll achieve in the future).

But Paul Edmondson Forgot a Crucial Fact

After people complained (naturally) about "editors" being able to tweak their work (without their consent), Paul Edmondson chimed in with this:

"Hubbers do own their content and can take it down at anytime. It's also important to remember when content is posted on HubPages that it may be modified as part of our service." [Don't forget kids, if you remove content, you forfeit any and all of your earnings too].

Hey Paul, did you forget? You IMPORTED work from Squidoo without obtaining the consent of all authors beforehand. So, in reality, any former content owner from Squidoo that did NOT agree to the transfer of his or her work, who was unaware (or dead) is NOT held to your ridiculous TOS. (Click to enlarge cartoon).

Satirical cartoon of Paul Edmondson as he explains why he didn't need content owners' permission and the similarities between "importing" and "posting." Created May 30th, 2015 by RoseWrites / All rights (and lefts) reserved

I'm looking forward to the day that the Federal Trade Commission puts a stop to this.

Cartoon created by RoseWrites May 13th, 2015 / All rights reserved

Cartoon created by RoseWrites May 13th, 2015 / All rights reserved

Author's note: I wonder if Vic Dillinger and others can find anything libelous in this post? The only opinionated phrase I wrote was "your ridiculous TOS." Everything else is based on fact.

InfoBarrel Author of the Week: InfoBarrel's Mysterious Article Approvers

You've written your guts out and finally you click that big "Submit" button. Sure, you try to keep occupied – you feed the cat, clean up your work area, and get a bite to eat. But in the back of your mind, all you wanna know: did my article make the cut?

Photo by Christos Loufopoulos (ophilos on flickr) CC-by-2.0

After a few hours, you check the forum and it looks like there is a delay on approvals. People say, "Just keep writing, work on your next article."

But you and I both know you're only going to do a half-ass job on the next one until you know (for sure) that your stuff is good.

"All the Rage" by David Goehring on flickr (CC-by-2.0)

Finally, that email arrives.

You're almost too afraid to look; you consider asking your partner to read it to you. Oh, but then you tell yourself, 'Grow up and take it like a woman (man)!'

Denied.

At first you feel enraged. 'But my hubby, girlfriend, mother thought it was great!' [Of course they do, they love you.]

Tsk, the article approver must be insane.

After about 20 minutes (or a few hours, depending on the length of grudge you tend to hold), you dig down deep. You re-read that denial message over and over. You still hate that approver's guts for a minute.

And finally, once you are all alone, you silently acknowledge:

"Okaaay, it could use some work, I guess. Geez they're picky."

Photo by Meg Wills (whatmegsaid on flickr) CC-by-2.0

That is growth my friend. If you can get to the final stage – acceptance – you'll make it.

However, few do.

To help you along your writing career path which (obviously, if you are reading this) will be highly successful, I tried to break those article approvers, to find out their secrets, to crack their code.

Damn it, what exactly do those people want from us anyways?!

Admin avatar on InfoBarrel (aka Serious Cat or SRS cat)

I told Serious Cat all about this and he finally agreed to let me pick the brains of your worst enemy (or your best friend – depending on your stage of growth): the InfoBarrel article approvers.

Full Disclosure:

Just so you know, I feel your pain. I too was denied, not once, but numerous times. But I persisted. I was afflicted with hyphen-itis at one point. Another time, I was denied for "calls to action."

Bad english? Yeah, I got that denial message too (and I've lived in Canada all my life and even won some awards for writing).

Today, I'm a new woman. I write less crapily, no less crappy. Okaaay, more better now.

Without Further Ado

I present to you my interview with Serious Cat (aka SRS Cat, admin, Ryan) and the mysterious article approvers on InfoBarrel.

Q: Why do articles take so long to be approved?

Approver #1: Article approvers are writers like yourself. They have their own websites, blogs and articles to edit and keep up to date. We also have lives outside of IB and we are not on the site 24/7. There are only a few of us, and if one or two gets busy with real life, that leaves a lot of work for a handful of people. There are also hundreds of articles that come through the queue, not just yours.

Also (in my case) if I see an article that I have denied six or seven times, I just cannot look at it anymore – especially if the corrections have not been done. I will leave it for another approver to look at.

Approver #2: The approvers have been in the article-writing business for a long time. We have hundreds or thousands of articles to maintain. If an affiliate site changes their linking scheme, or a site closes down and approvers have to move their articles, that reduces the amount of time they have to approve articles.

Also, remember, that when a content site closes down, hundreds or thousands of writers move all of their articles, often to IB. So the queue gets backed up, and even should each approver read a hundred articles per day, not all articles will be accepted, and so some will be resubmitted many times until they are approved.

Q: What does it mean when a denial letter states: "Where are your sources?"

Approver #1: Unless you are a well-known expert, where did you get the information from? This especially applies to articles that have medical advice or are historical in nature. Even people who write New York Times bestselling biographies have sources!

Approver #3: You will not build much of a genuine following if you do not provide proof of your statements, claims, theories, or findings. Otherwise, your article is based merely on opinion or personal experience (and you will probably receive a denial stating your article is blog content).

What stands out about InfoBarrel is the fact that they've already made it incredibly easy to cite your sources with footnotes (just use the references tab). If you are unsure how to proceed, read classicalgeek's Newbie Guide.

Q: I don't understand why my article is "low quality"?

Approver #1: Low quality can be different things. If you are writing about something that is all over the internet and are not adding anything new (like, "10 uses for baking soda" or "how to pack a picnic basket"), it is low quality. Word count is also low quality, especially if a topic is very broad. Brevity can be a good thing, but not always.

Approver #3: You definitely need to bring "something new to the table" if you are going to tackle something widely covered already (or if you even hope to rank well on Google). Whatever you do, be sure to include the most recent credible sources (from the Mayo Clinic or the CDC) not someone anonymous named Healthy-Nutz-Advice.

Q: My intro is awkward and I was told I ask "too many questions" of the reader. What are some examples of acceptable intros?

Approver #1: If you repeat the same word over and over, even in variations, it is awkward. You don't speak like that. If your sentences are short and choppy and stilted, it sounds robotic. (Think the old "Dick and Jane" books.)

Approver #3: If you read the New York Times or even InfoBarrel's Top 100, none of the intros sound like an infomercial, high school essay, or lecture. Sentences that we don't want to see include: 

"Today we are going to ... "

"You and I are going to start by ... so let's look at how we can ...." 

Equally unacceptable is a series of questions at the beginning like: 

"Do you suffer from ...? Have chronic ....? Need more ...? Then you've come to the right place."

Approver #1: Here are examples of bad openings:

"In this article I am going to tell you about ..."

"I am going to tell you about the history of the blue widgets. Blue widgets have been very important throughout time, and life before blue widgets was very difficult for people. Now I will tell you about the history of the blue widget."

"I love pizza! Pizza is great! There are so many ways to make pizza!"

Approver #3: That reminds me, too many exclamation marks, questions marks, or ellipses is a no-no. Use an exclamation mark when someone is screaming (if possible), otherwise it's annoying and pushy (so are all caps).

Q: What mistakes get under your skin?

Approver #1: Bad punctuation and spelling that goes uncorrected and is resubmitted. Like I did not notice! The other approvers can see why it was denied the first time (and the second and the third), so you cannot put anything over on us.

Also, dupe/spun content. We have ways of finding this out.

Those who sneak in links after having their article approved ticks me off as well. Then I look extra hard at any other work that is submitted.

Approver #2: Oh, I have so many pet peeves, I hardly know where to start. Homonym errors, such as too and to, or loose and lose, the placement of adverbs (I could write an entire book on exactly where to place the word "only" or "just" in a sentence), and omission of hyphens are the worst offenders. And the confusion of words such as "less" and "fewer" sets my teeth on edge, as do misspellings such as "alright" (there is no "alwrong," is there?).

Another thing that annoys me is resubmitting articles without changes in the hopes that some other approver will pass it. We're really not that easy to trick, so don't insult our intelligence. And finally, people who try to sneak around the rules. We notice.

Approver #3: It gets under my skin when someone writes a biased piece and then tries to find some phony references to support their claims. Sometimes footnotes are added to the end of sections and not where they should be placed. A footnote should be added to any sentence like this:

"Studies show that chronic inflammation of the blue widget can lead to ..." 

And if someone writes: 

"Numerous studies prove that ...." then add more than one footnote. You can add as many as needed. The references tab is extremely easy to use on InfoBarrel.

Q: Why do I need to credit my photos? And why do they have to be "free for commercial use"? Can't I just download what I want from the internet?

Approver #1: A photo does not belong to you the same way another person's writing does not belong to you. The only way approvers know that it is a free to use image is to credit it as such by using the site name or your name/username. I would be just as annoyed if someone took an image as I would if they stole my content.

Approver #3:  For certain sites (like Pixabay) you need only put "Photo from Pixabay" (since it is a site that provides free images for commercial use). From flickr (and even Wikipedia) you need to be more careful and read the licenses. 

In general, anything that states it is dedicated to the Public Domain or under Creative Commons 1.0, 2.0, or 3.0 licenses" are free for commercial use. (InfoBarrel is a commercial site). Wherever possible, credit the author (photographer) of the work too. For example: "Credit: Serious Cat on InfoBarrel (CC-by-2.0)." Also, credit yourself if the image is yours.

Q: My article is "unfinished." What? I put a period at the end of the last sentence!

Approver #2: Just like in school, you should have an introduction, a body, and a conclusion. If you article lacks a conclusion, it sounds unfinished. Remember the old adage: "Tell them what you're going to tell them, tell them, and then tell them what you told them."

Q: Where should Amazon products be placed (ideally) in an article? In InfoBarrel's forum, someone mentioned being denied for having an Amazon product "too high up" on his page.

Ryan (admin): There is no hard and fast rule but I prefer to feature them within the content where they are most contextually relevant.

They aren't going to be beneficial to the reader at the top of an article because there is no context. If you want a reader to buy something from you, you need to give before you take.

Stacking them at the bottom of an article is very visually unappealing as well.

Q: Another person mentioned that when she "cut and pasted her text, it has been rejected because the type is too small." What is the work around for that (I'm pretty sure the font is Georgia on IB)?

Ryan (admin): If you are copying and pasting from Word, sometimes the markup gets carried over through the clipboard. There is a paste from Word option in the editor that removes all Word formatting so you can format it natively in our editor.

Q: Another person mentioned being "denied one time for too many backlinks." Can you shed some light on this? And (I'd imagine) the new IB 4.0 will have some different parameters and allowances for linking (based on your July 2015 blog post).

Ryan (admin): There are many reasons this could happen. The linking rules will change on IB 4.0. There is a lot to cover, just expect to not be limited by links, however we will simultaneously be continuing our policing of writers trying to abuse IB for link building.

Q: In the forum, some people have complained: "I've been denied for an article that was previously published on InfoBarrel. What on earth has changed? It seems harder and harder to get stuff published on IB lately."

Ryan (admin): If you are editing an older article that was below our current standards, editors may deny it. Improving it will help benefit everybody, so do it :)

In Closing:

I want to thank the article approvers from the bottom of my heart for allowing me ask them the eleven most confounding questions mentioned in InfoBarrel's forum.

I also want to thank Ryan (admin) for dispensing the questions and answering some of them himself.

As for Serious Cat, well, my cat editor (Kady) has a crush on him and is offering to send him some home-grown catnip.

Drop by next week for InfoBarrel Author of the Week and InfoBarrel Newbie of the Month.

Kicking Horse Coffee Sent Me a Freebie

Since the launch of InfoBarrel Author of the Week and InfoBarrel Newbie of the Month, I've been looking for a corporate sponsor.

Aug. 4th, 2015 Kicking Horse Coffee Arrives (Free Coffee)

I want to be able to provide my guests with a thoughtful keepsake or something that will boost their creative powers. The first thing that came to mind was my favourite coffee: Kicking Horse.

I've been hooked on 454 Horse Power (Dark) for about a year now. Even when my coffee goes cold, 454 tastes pleasant.

How I Learned About Kicking Horse Coffee

Roy MacGregor's September 19th, 2014 article in The Globe and Mail titled Small-town success Kicking Horse coffee brews bold move to the U.S., caught my eye.

What I learned (and liked) were these facts:

Credit: Niels de Wit (nielsautos on flickr) CC-by-2.0

Elena Rosenfeld's mother, Carol, always wanted her to become a chiropractor. Instead, Elena and her partner Leo headed west after university. (She got her degree in religious studies; he in anthropology and sociology). 

They bought some land and set themselves up in a rustic cabin with a garage. She had some cool wheels too, a 1972 orange Volkswagen Westfalia.

After working in the food industry (waiting tables and cooking) they took over a small cafe, sold it, and decided to go into the coffee business.

Elena's mother once snapped: 

"What are you two schmucks going to do, sell coffee out of your garage?"

And that was the quote that grabbed me. Elena actually posts the quote on her website and thanks her mother for saying it.

So, they decided to roast and sell fairtrade organic coffee. And it is excellent. Seriously. 

Those of you who follow me know that I will sacrifice anything (even my dignity) to get good coffee. I wrote the guide Foolproof Coffee (which has received 476 visits, so far) and I swear by my Bodum Chambord French Press.

The other thing that you should know is this: Kicking Horse Coffee has won numerous awards and they even won the title of Canada's Favourite Fairtrade Product this year (2015).

Since I'm Bold (and Annoying) Enough to Ask

I wrote to Kicking Horse Coffee to see if they were open to sponsoring my blog. The response I received was kind and generous. Antonella Sacconi, Director of Marketing, thanked me for writing and added:

We love to hear from our Kicking Horse Coffee lovers!

Regarding your query to sponsor your blog, we currently do not have program to do this, therefore we are unable to pursue your request.

We wish you the best on your blog and writing career! Please send us your address so we can fuel you with some coffee.

Have an awesome day!

And They Delivered on Their Promise

My Favourite Coffees: Kicking Horse 454, Kick Ass, and My Bodum French Press

My recommendations (U.S. residents will find it less costly & faster to order from Amazon) are:

Kicking Horse Whole Bean Coffee, Kick Ass Dark Roast, 10 Ounce Bag For dark roast lovers that enjoy a full-bodied, rich coffee. Not bitter or acidic either. 

Kicking Horse Whole Bean Coffee, 454 Horse Power Dark Roast, 2.2 lb. Bag My favourite, for deep thinkers and those with something to prove.

Kicking Horse Whole Bean Coffee, Three Sisters Medium Roast, 12.3 Ounce Tins (2-Pack) My choice for a dessert coffee (when dessert is the coffee). It's slightly sweeter than 454.

There's Fur in My Coffee: What's Hot and What's Not

Yesterday, I published an article on Paw Mane Fin about the tragic loss of Cecil the lion. Since I have sold a few anti-bullying items in my Sousababy Zazzle store over the years, I decided to design three charity products to honour Cecil.

I am donating 50% of any royalties I earn from the sale of my T-shirt, mug, and backpack to Oxford's Wildlife Conservation Research Unit (WildCRU). The photo I used was taken on April 20th, 2014 by Mathias Appel on flickr who generously dedicated it to the public domain.

My Editor is ordering the "Proud of Saving Animals" Backpack by RoseWrites from Zazzle 

All three of my Cecil the lion designs state:

Proud of Saving Animals (Not Killing Them)

In some circles of our society, unfortunately, hunters like Dr. Walter Palmer are proud of "taking" an innocent life. Even his choice of words bothered me. He didn't admit to killing Cecil; he rephrased it to sound less offensive.

He claimed, "I had no idea that the lion I took was . . . "

Took?

No, you meant the lion that you murdered (and in the most ruthless way too): injured by your poorly-aimed crossbow and then shot at close range and finally beheaded and skinned.

Shame on you and those like you.

I want to make it clear that society (as a whole) embraces those who save animals - all animals and especially endangered animals.

Proud of Saving Animals (Not Killing Them) T-Shirt (click to enlarge)

The T-shirt I designed was the Custom Value T-Shirt on Zazzle. It sells for $15.95 and is available for men, women, and children in 139 different styles. Note: other styles cost more.

Proud of Saving Animals (Not Killing Them) Mugs (click to enlarge)

The coffee mug I designed is titled Proud of Saving Animals MUG by RoseWrites. The 11 oz. Classic White Mug design sells for $16.95. And, like the T-shirt, you can further personalize it on the opposite side with your own favourite photo and/or text.

Proud of Saving Animals (Not Killing Them) High Sierra Backpacks (click to enlarge)

And lastly, since parents are doing back-to-school shopping right now, I felt my High Sierra backpack was excellent value for the low price of $36.95. It is available in four colours. I think the black, red, and blue ones are the most attractive. 

My daughter and all of her friends agree that killing animals is wrong.

And I want to add that my daughter was so moved by Cecil's story that she created the following cartoon to help me raise funds for WildCRU too. Click to enlarge each panel:

Created August 2nd, 2015 by Daughter of RoseWrites

Thank you for taking the time to read through my first "There's Fur in My Coffee" blog post.